Before I had children, I had set out to answer one of the most disturbing conundrums. Why do we, especially American women, hate our mothers? Now that I have two girls, I wonder why is it that our mother's don't hate us, an why are they not more insane? Somehow I know this experience should make me respect what my mother did, an I do but there is too much baggage built up to not be resentful. I cannot imagine staying home with my children all day. David Sedaris tells a story about how they would get home from school and his mother would tell them to go outside and play, she would lock the door and lay on the couch smoking and reading books and not let them inside until dinner time. When I read that, I thought, wow, poor,crazy woman. Now I think, my hero!! That sounds like utter bliss.
It is one of the most nerve wracking jobs that I have ever encountered. Repeatedly, I go through these days where my children drive me to the brink of insanity with crying, tantrums, manipulation, sugar highs, sugar lows, not enough sleep. I am talking about them but could just as easily be describing myself, functioning at a sub-par rate. If anyone knows the secret for getting through all of this, please let me know.
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